Cruise Control

SO... This past month has been a hard month. I feel like I am stuck on cruise control only the position of my body is that of the the fetal position because I am waiting for the next blow that is going to hit me next. Yesterday was Sunday. I really didn't want to go to church. Hear about how God is there, blah blah blah same ole crap that people or things are said when life is hitting you from ever possible angle. I went anyways.. Those are the best days to go. Again like I stated in one of my earlier posts did it make everything just GREAT :) NO! but it gave me alot to think about. Who turned on the cruise control? Who is going to turn it off? Why the fetal position. Why not stand up arms wide open and just say come get me what you got cause I got God !!! Sometimes when I am crying and just so overwhelmed and feel so alone I yell at God and we go at it. He is big enough to take it. It is crazy though because alot of people that I had surrounded myself by said they would be there for me, but then at the first glance of true mortality, they were out..... So once again I am left crying over people who have walked out of my life and left sitting here pleading with God to never leave me like the people of this world!
So who put on cruise control? Not sure , just need to feel Jesus's love in a big way!!!