Taking the keys out!!!

Anger, Rage, Tears, Frustration, My foot going into the door, and me yelling, my mind racing and my heart trying to catch up. This is what it was like last night as my families lives were again just ripped into. I was calling my brother to tell him once again that no he couldn't borrow money because I wasn't going to pay for a lifestyle I didn't agree with. No he couldn't drive my car and then to reassure Him that I still loved Him and so did God. Because of the fact that I said no to all this he got mad started ranting and raving about how he was already getting screwed over by everyone... just the whole victim mentality... Then crap how he was gonna be a man stand on his own two feet... Then he told me that he had gone downtown and signed away his right to Anastsha... (my 6 yr old niece) mph blow to the body... WHAT!!! did I hear you right... yep I gotta go I told him because I don't want to have to ask you for forgiveness for anything!!!

My heart is gashing open and all I can think about is that beautiful little girl that he just threw away. She was what helped heal my wounds before when I lost my babies. She was like my own! We will fight though. Grandparents have rights. The keys are out of the car and the ignition it off I just want all this to work out so that she knows that she is loved. So that she doesn't walk around her entire life wondering if anyone out there will ever love her. Please dear God help us through this!!!
I Love you Annie and we are fighting for you baby girl hang in there!!!!

Emergency Brake

Oh my! I am sitting here reminding myself to breath! So in case you have been out of the loop in my life it has been crazy. I went from an amazing journey in Kenya to coming home to my seizures going out of control. Racking my body, tearing at my soul, and choking me of breath. I have been on ventilators and intibated and rushed in ambulances. I have questioned the age old question Why? Last night was another night of racking seizures. I want to know what is my purpose in the all this. I wish I could tell you that I had this great mind blowing epiphany and know I now that my suffering is for some great reason, but that would be a lie. What I can tell you is that even in the low times when I feel like Jesus has left me He is still there! Right now I know that He loves me and will always love me! So no matter what happens He is there.... It is hard, but the thing is remembering that when all the turmoil is going on. That is the true Art of it all!