Life in The Backseat

So life has taken a drastic turn for me! That is putting it very lightly to say the least. Just when I thought that things couldn't have slown down down anymore, my life been put on hold anymore than it already had been, my future been as unclear as it was, guess what! It can, and it did. So now the true questions that I am faced with are were do I go from here. Where is God in all of this? Does he even fit in anywhere in my life anymore? Today I thought of that song by Audio Adrenaline called Underdog. That gave me a twinge of hope, but then the anger and all those old feelings came back. When does God waive the white flag of surrender in our name to the devil? Does he ever? I know that we all have to suffer in this lifetime and I know that some greater than others for the good of others, but what if we are tired? Is that selfish? So for now my life once again is controlled even more so by the reliance on others. I must say that life in the backseat is not were I am comfortable.

2 Furiously Confused...

We have all heard the saying that life is like a box of chocolate's we never know what we're gonna get. I knew there was a reason why I never cared much for chocolate, or that saying. This past week has been up there there on my top 5 hardest of my life, and some harder ones still to come. I have been struggling the past 2 days since Jovon brought me the computer whether or not to write on my blog what was going on so that I could ask for prayer.... I know that may sound kind of weird to some of you but if you knew me you would know that I'm a very private person and I have just recently gotten back into God and it has been a tough road. Wednesday of last week I was laying in bed and my left leg started to tingle, then go numb, then no feeling!!!!!!!!!!! The sensation started to spread up the rest of the left side of my body. Yeah I was freaking out! Woke up Jovon in a HURRY..... got to the hospital .... I will spare you all those details. After being admitted and that night last Wed and still being here as I type this even still.... and having spinal taps, MRI'S, and countless other test my Doctors came to the conclusion that I have nerve damage caused by the Lupus that they diagnosed about a month and a half ago that has been tearing my body apart. He of course has some fancy words for it that I can't remember because the only thing that I can remember is the part were I asked him well "I will regain full function of my leg right? Because right now I still can't even move it let alone walk on it.... ???" He looked at me and told me that in most of patients only 30% of them regained full function. WHAT!!!! DID I hear you right no I must not have. I don't understand though I did what I was supposed to I went back to God finally and have been trying to get him as the driver of all things. This is what happens..... I give over some CONTROL again and my life seems to be doing donuts only they never stop long enough for me to be able to see straight. So now at this point I'm Trying not to be so furious with God, but I must admit sometimes I win and poor God man I'm thankful he is a God of grace. So now comes the hard part.... I'm on a whole bunch of medication both IV and orally and will be in the hospital for sometime for inpatient rehab. Trying to get to 100% If not that just functional will do. I never really do this. But if you are reading this because of Tiffany's blog which is the only reason why you would be please please pray for my husband Jovon that God would give him strength to continue to go to work everyday and then come see me, and please after that if you have time throw my name in there. I would greatly appreciate it I still am confused and don't understand why these things happen I guess am starting to realize that I may never have the answers.