The Trunk Of the Car....

Life lately has been a test. One that comes with big price tags. Sobriety, the high, the necessity, and trying to sift through what it all means. I know that these topics for most people once they are saved are supposed to be hush hush. You say your story and how God has pulled you through and how your life has changed with him in it. I'm finding myself wondering if maybe I am just weak.... No one ever talks about how hard it is. How I still crave the very things that were destroying me. The amount of physical pain that I am in on a daily basis is stupid. They are prescriptions written by one Doctor and I don't abuse them but I feel imprisoned to them. I'm through the withdrawals of the first heavy hitter, but the pain is at times more than I can bear... I want to go back to it.... , but I want GOD to show his MERCY! I want him to see that I love him and that I want to do his work with a clear mind. How am I supposed to do that if he leaves me here where I am in this state of pain? I feel as though He has put me in the trunk of the car and said "Here is where you belong." Back with all the things tossed in and out and the things that used to be stashed. For now I cry and fall to my face and pray "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.