Am I Sarah?

For the longest time it has been my desire to have children. I went through rounds of fertility treatments when I was first married. I got pregnant. I was sooo happy! I told everyone. You see I was told that I probably would have a hard time and I did but it had worked! I went to my Dr's visits and I took care of myself and I did everything that I was supposed to do. I remember I went to my appointment and I got to hear the heartbeat and I just cried. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Time went by and then On July 27, 2005 I had a miscarriage. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Going to the Dr because of the issues I was having.. them taking me in to get a sonogram. Them bringing another Dr in the room me screaming to hear the heartbeat... The somber looks... And finally the news. Having to go to the hospital later that night everything.... My baby would've been three... All these memories come flooding back to me. In church on Sunday Pastor Jeff talked about Sarah and Abraham and how God had asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac. After it had taken Sarah sooo long to conceive. He was faithful. I asked this question again to my Dr can I have children? Complicated answer.... Yes and no... Am I supposed to remain steadfast and believe that God will give me the desires of my heart? Or are the desires of my heart not his? I know that right at this present time it is totally out of the question, I get that. Am I supposed to adopt? For now all I know is that when I start to think of these events I have to ask God to continue to remove the feelings of bitterness and guilt. It is hard though... That is why for now I will just share my love with other children, and people who need it! I can't help but wonder Will I be blessed enough to be Sarah?

Under The Bridge

So today I went downtown along a bunch of other people from the church to feed and minister to people "Under The Bridge" It was an amazing experience that saddened me, filled me with joy broke me, humbled me even more all in a time span of 3 and a half hours. You see over a hundred people on the streets men, women, children.. they are dirty, they smell bad, but they are PEOPLE. I talked with a man named Curtis at great length. Here was a grown man talking to me and as I am telling him my story I can't hold back the tears any longer and I start to cry and then he starts to cry and tell me that he does know Jesus but that he messed up real bad. The conversation continued and I just encouraged him and prayed with him.... After we got done talking he thanked me for being real and that this was what he needed.... God gave me so much courage today because I can tell you that it was through him that I even started that conversation... This experience has only fueled my fire to reach lost people all over the world even more so that they might know Jesus in a true unique relationship. It was also another eye opener to me that it was not that long ago that I was that lost but now I am found.